Things I Learned From My Father
June 15 is Father’s Day, and I’ve been thinking about the lessons I learned from my father. Let’s pause to honor fathers everywhere.
One of the most important people in our lives
In “The World According to Dave,” I rank the world’s most important people. They are listed below in order of importance. Read on and see if you agree with me. Here they are:
1. Mothers
2. Fathers
3. Pastors
4. Teachers
Why do I pick these people, and why do I place them in this order? Let’s see why.
The most essential job in the world is that of a mother. Mothers give us life and nurture us when we cannot care for ourselves. They provide life, and almost as necessary, they provide love. Have you ever seen how a mother looks into the eyes of their young child? That love and nurturing are really for a lifetime. And just because this is the “World According to Dave,” I’m not the only one who says this or believes this way (Notes 1 and 2). A few may disagree that the most important job is that of a mother, but I’m not sure who those people would be. And…I’m sorry I did not write a tribute to mothers on Mother’s Day. I’m still new to blogging, and aligning posts and important dates is still not something I’ve nailed.
I’ve mentioned before that I was blessed to grow up in a two-parent home with loving and caring parents. While I’ve missed the opportunity in 2025 to properly pay tribute to my mother with a Mother’s Day post, I think I made up for it in my recently released cookbook, Everyday Cooking for Everyday People Like Us. Besides being an excellent cookbook with over 300 recipes, each with a story, I do credit my mother for a lot of who I am today in that book. Click on the link in Note 3 to read more or even purchase a copy. It makes a great gift too!
The second most important job is that of a father. The role of fathers has been somewhat marginalized in the past 10 or 20 years, but as time goes on and we learn more, we better understand the importance of fathers in children’s lives. Not only while they are children, but also when they grow up. I know some folks have grown up without a father in their lives. Some even without mothers, and I just want to acknowledge that right up front. But those children will grow up someday, and then they will have their turn, and I hope they will put an end to what seems like an endless cycle of children growing up without fathers. Why are fathers so important? If you’ve been reading these blog posts, you will recall the discussion of a book called The Two Parent Privilege by Melissa Kearney (Note 4). Fathers make up the second half of a marriage unit, and the power of a husband and wife operating as a team is nothing short of amazing in the impact they can have on their children and those around them. Buy the book and read it; you won’t be disappointed. For more information, click on the links in Notes 5 and 6. In particular, the link in Note 6 discusses viable options when mothers and fathers cannot be together.
Pastors are the third most important person(s) in a child’s life. While I think most people will agree that a mother and a father are the most important people in a child’s life, I’d like to opine that pastors are the third. I say pastors because larger churches may have multiple pastors, such as senior pastors, youth pastors, etc.; over a child's life, he or she will likely have numerous faith leaders. The reason for choosing pastors as the third is simply that a pastor’s mission is to save souls for eternity. There is no higher calling. One might argue that they should be foremost in a child’s life, but I say that parents influence and support a child’s faith first, and pastors come in later. If you have ever been involved in mission work, you know that before someone accepts faith, their tangible needs, such as food and shelter, must be met. Remember Maslow’s Law? I once heard someone say that you should never evangelize to someone when they have an empty stomach, and that’s just true (this means that a person’s basic needs, as described by Maslow, must be met first and foremost). Because mothers and fathers care for those essential needs, I place them as one and two in importance, followed by faith leaders who save souls for eternity.
The fourth and last in my short list of important people are teachers. It is unquestioned that a teacher’s work is of very high importance. How many of us owe our livelihood to great teachers? Who remembers an exceptional teacher who just made it all make sense? Teaching is an important calling and thank God we have those willing to do the hard work of educating our youth. It’s not always easy, you know. Problems at home come to school with children, and many teachers must deal with those issues before a child can even be prepared to learn. Teaching is an honored profession in Japan, much more so than here in the US or other parts of the world. Click on the link in Note 7 to learn more. Thank you to all the wonderful teachers I’ve had in my life and the lives of my children, and now, grandchildren!
The two most important things I learned from my father
My father taught me so many things. We went fishing and hunting. He taught me how to cut down trees and cut up the logs with a two-man saw. If you’ve never heard of a two-man saw or seen one used, click on the link in Note 8 for a short video. Using one correctly is a learned task. The saw cannot be forced to cut faster than it wants to cut, and teamwork is definitely required. When the saw is sharp, appropriately used, and is cutting properly, you will know it because the blade will “sing”, and it’s quite surprising how fast it will cut. And you will get a workout at the same time! I learned how to garden, plant, and care for fruit and nut trees. I learned the importance of taking good care of your things and why mowing the lawn in alternate directions makes it look better and is healthier for it. I learned about tools and how to fix almost anything. I learned how a marriage works, about being hard-working, honest, and ethical. I learned the value of getting up early and going to work every day. And so many more things. But my father used to say two things to me that have driven my life, and I can still recall them today, just like he told me so many years ago. Here are the two things he said to me:
“That’s the lazy man’s way.”
“Never go anywhere empty handed.”
Here’s what he meant when he said these things. My father had an expectation that I would do a high-quality job in all I did, just like he did. He never allowed me to take shortcuts or slack off. Of course I did, like many small children, and I tested his limits of my laziness. When I mowed the lawn, I would start on the outside and mow in circles until I reached the center. It was the easiest and fastest way. Because I got in a hurry, I created what he called “islands”, patches of grass that did not get cut, or I didn’t properly mow around trees. The problem was that mowing in the same manner each week created wheel marks in the turf, and frankly, it just did not look good. He taught me that alternating mowing horizontally, vertically, and diagonally (twice, opposite each time) on different weeks would create a beautiful diamond pattern in the lawn. Oh, and the job was not done until the yard was raked if needed (yes, a rake, we did not have a bagger on the mower) and the mower was scraped clean underneath and brushed on top. Mowing and raking a half acre with a push mower that is not self-propelled is a lot of work, and I learned that if I mowed in the morning when the dew was on the grass, it would clump, and I would have to rake. In the afternoon, when it was hot as blazes, the grass would dry and wither quickly, resulting in me not needing to rake. I happily traded the heat for not having to rake.
When he asked me to pull weeds, he meant all of them, not just the big ones. Weeding also meant cultivating around the plants to improve aeration of the soil. “Go pull the weeds” meant more than “Go pull the weeds.” The garden and yard were expected to look like Buchart Gardens, a botanical garden in Victoria, Canada; ours always did because that’s how he did it. If you’ve never visited Buchart Gardens, it’s a fantastic place. Click on the link in Note 9 for a preview. Same with cleaning up or other chores. Always do the best you can and never, I mean NEVER “half ass it” as he used to say. As I write this, my lawn looks the same, just like Dad taught me. When I look at my beautifully manicured lawn, I think of him. Maybe I even do it in reverence for him. He has been gone for over 12 years, and I still miss him.
Besides doing my best in everything, he taught me to be efficient. Never waste a step. Just like food or other possessions. What do I mean by that? We used to say that when it came to food, my father’s parents, the Italians, used everything “from the rooter to the tooter.” That meant every part of the animal. Europeans, and especially Italians, used EVERYTHING. Now I’m not saying I like every part of the animal; I’m just saying they did not waste anything. Old shirts with holes in them? They were cut into strips and used to tie up the tomatoes and pole beans. Old sugar or grocery bags? Always good to store something in. He made me save the wire from the newspaper bundles when I delivered the Washington Post. There was always a need for some wire around the house. Fifty years later, when we cleaned the house after their passing, I found those wires. He had used many but saved them all, “just in case.”
Allow me to update those sayings that have guided my life, what I call “things I learned from my father:”
Do your best in everything you do.
Always be efficient and purposeful. Never waste anything.
There are many more, of course, but those are the two things that guided my life, and I still carry with me to this day.
If you were fortunate to grow up with a good father who taught you these things, count it as a blessing. If you were not, then the thing to do is ensure that when you have children, or if you have children now, you are a good father to them so that your good fathering can be passed to the next generation, who can pass it to the next generation. Be the father your children will remember fondly when they grow old. It’s never too late, and if change or reconciliation is necessary, please take care of that; it will be something everyone will appreciate. The result will be a world that is a better place because of the purposeful actions of fathers everywhere. Happy Father’s Day!
That’s all for this week!
Diamond cut pattern in a lawn
What’s in it for Me
Being a good father pays dividends for generations. That’s good for them and good for you.
Call to Action
Purchase and read The Two Parent Privilege by Melissa Kearney. When you are finished, pass the book to someone who could use it.
Recommended Resources
Click on the links below to learn more. Purchase and read either of the two, or both, recommended resources listed below. You will really enjoy the cookbook, and any of your family or friends would thank you profusely if you bought one for them!
Up Next
The value of reading.
Notes
Please note that as an Amazon Affiliate, I may earn a small commission on the sale of any of these recommended resources.
https://wtop.com/parenting/2017/05/why-prioritizing-motherhood-in-the-first-three-years-is-critical/
Top 10 Reasons Why Moms Are Important: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201305/top-10-reasons-why-moms-are-important
Everyday Cooking for Everyday People Like Us by David Giustozzi: https://amzn.to/437OhVQ
The Two Parent Privilege by Melissa Kearney: https://amzn.to/3YopTh5
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/fathers-matter-the-importance-of-a-father/
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/lesson-from-japan-celebrating-educators-every-day-skillsandbrains/