Is Our Behavior Congruent? You’ll Know in a New York Minute If It Is
If you’re having flashbacks to your high school geometry class of acute, right, obtuse and equiangular triangles, I’ll ease your mind that this post is not about that. It’s something much more important…
An off schedule post
This is an off-schedule post. That means something different or interesting is going on that warrants paying attention to. So, my friends, read on to find out more!
Introduction
A few weeks ago, I introduced you to an amazing book I’ve been reading recently called Approval Addiction by what I would describe as my favorite author, Steve Siebold. I’ve highlighted three of his books in Notes 1, 2 and 3. If you don’t own and have read these books, I highly recommend you do so and you can click on the links below to get them pronto.
In the previous post, we discussed the simple formula for failure and that’s trying to please everyone. Mr. Siebold continues his hard-hitting truths throughout his book Approval Addiction and I’d to discuss another point he makes later in the book. That point is the issue of congruent behavior, and frankly, you may or may not know the definition, but you definitely know it when you see it. It’s a subject near and dear to my heart and something that is important to all of our success.
Later in this post, I’ll define congruent behavior, and we’ll look at a few examples of what congruent behavior IS NOT, and then we’ll discuss what congruent behavior IS. Then we’ll discuss why all of this is important and then summarize. Sound OK?
Oh, and I assume you’ve heard of the term “New York minute,” Yes? Well, if you have not, a New York minute refers to something that happens instantly or very quickly and is basically a stereotype of the fast-paced, high-pressure lifestyle typically associated with New York City. Other terms with this meaning include hot minute, heartbeat, split second, instant, and jiffy, among others.
Which would be opposed to terms that mean a long time such as a blue moon, donkey years, eternity, month of Sunday’s or simply, it’s been a minute. Oh, and don’t forget Microsoft minute. If you’ve ever seen the “wheel of death,” and we all have, then you know what it is and how long a Microsoft minute can take.
What is congruent behavior
Just to set the record straight and before we totally leave the topic of geometry, congruent triangles are two triangles that have exactly the same three sides and exactly the same three angles. Click on the link in Note 4 to learn a few things you may have forgotten about triangles.
Behavioral congruence, on the other hand, is described as consistency between the aims, attitudes, and values professed by an individual or group and their observable behaviors (Note 5). Let me simplify that for you:
Congruent behavior means what we say and do in public is the same as what we say and do in private
Well, now, ah-hum, yeah, that’s important. And, wait. What? Why are you looking at me like that? Let’s look at a few examples of noncongruent and congruent examples and I’m guessing you will recognize it instantly.
Noncongruent examples and consequence of such
Here are a few examples that pop into my mind immediately:
Some politicians-Politicians often get a bad rap due to the ones who say one thing and do another, lie or change their behavior to suit what polls say at a given time. We are advanced technologically enough at this point in history that if someone said something in public at any time in the past that was recorded, someone will be able to find out about it. In fact, it’s commonplace enough that differences in behaviors over time are often just explained away or ignored.
Many people associated with Jeffery Epstein-Man, this one has been ugly, hasn’t it? It seems like what happens when you turn on the light in a cockroach filled room. I don’t feel sorry for those folks who lived secret, destructive lives and are now being held to account for it. Most people don’t. I do, however, feel sorry for the people that were exploited as a result. The emotional damage of things like this can last a lifetime.
People who tell you they are OK when they are not-We see this every day. I always advocate greeting others when we pass them in the hallway at work or on the street or otherwise interface with them as an act of common courtesy and just generally being friendly. On the other hand, if our greeting includes “How are you doing?” then either we don’t expect a real answer, or we better be prepared to hear the truth. And that may not be pleasant.
Lifestyle choices-We’ve discussed “keeping up with the Joneses” in the past and what this typically means is living a lifestyle one cannot really afford.
I don’t think I really need to explain the problems with incongruent behavior because you probably get it instantly without an explanation. However, if you want to know more, just Google “problems with incongruent behavior” and dig into what you see pop up.
Examples of congruent behavior and benefits of such
Athletes-There is a direct correlation to the ones who work hard in private and their performance on the field. The lights don’t highlight the athlete; they highlight the athlete’s preparation. Think of the Olympics, the World Series, the Super Bowl.
Musicians, actors, comedians, radio hosts, podcasters, writers, teachers, pastors, bloggers or others like them-This really includes anyone who puts their work out for others to see. You appreciate when someone is prepared. You understand in a minute when they are not. This is why the best actors or musician are paid the most. They work hard. I can tell you that since I started writing books and blog posts, how much work goes into it. I work really hard to make sure my material informs, educates and entertains. I want it to be accurate and truthful. All of the recipes in my cookbook have been cooked and tested, often many times, before they went into the cookbook. I spent several hours on each blog post to try to be accurate to help others learn. It’s a lot of work, but work I enjoy.
Military, police, medical professionals, other first responders-When a crisis occurs, you want people helping you who have trained very hard and performed the needed tasks over and over and over. Diane recently took her father to a specialist doctor. The appointment was at 7:00 in the morning, and that’s awful early. He matter-of-factly told her that he came to work every day at 3:30AM to review the day’s patients and their medical history so he can be prepared for his day. I don’t know about you, but that’s the doctor I want to go to!
Now, before you go off on me and tell me that you know of people in some of the fields listed above who are not always examples for our children, let me just say, I hear you. Yes, we all know those who party all night and engage in behavior that is not socially or morally acceptable. As an example, I listened to some of these folks in the 1960s and 1970s, alright? I get it. And they get away with it. Let me just tell you what I like to say about this: “We all have to place our head on our pillow at night and deal with our conscious.” OK, yes, I know there are people who don’t have the same conscious as we do. What this says is that some people get away with poor behavior in public, and probably private and seem to be rewarded for it. Is that right?
Here’s the point. High performers, overwhelmingly, live the same wholesome, hardworking life in private that they live in public. I think we all know this to be true, although sometime some folks slip through the cracks. At least for a time. Until they don’t.
Why congruent behavior is important
Few of us, at least those reading this post, fit into the category of being in a profession where we can engage in generally poor behavior and be rewarded for it. I’m guessing we really don’t want to be those people. The point I’m wanting to make today is that, for the most part, our behavior in private is reflected on us in public. If we need to ponder this, or even make changes, then the prompt today is to consider that, and make any needed changes.
Summary
You get it. I do too. I know that if I want to wear a slightly smaller sized belt, then how I behave when I’m not around others, at the dinner table at home, is something that me and only me can fix. I struggle with these things just like everyone else. I know it and just have to act on it to change if I want it bad enough.
That’s it for this week!
Let’s help our friends and loved ones, shall we?
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You’ll Know Congruent Behavior When You See It
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What’s in it for Me
If we want to get what we want from life, we need to accumulate as much knowledge and experience as we can. Then we must take that knowledge and experience and act with determination. Doing so will ensure we get what we want, and that’s what’s in it for me.
Call to Action
Honestly consider if you need to make some changes. Or, perhaps you must want to learn a few things. Purchase any of the books noted below. Take the Afterburner Success Partners course. Tell a friend.
Recommended Resources
Buy and read any of the books mentioned in the notes below.
Up Next
Back to regular posting schedule.
Notes
Please note that as an Amazon Affiliate, I may earn a small commission on the sale of any of these recommended resources.
Approval Addiction by Steve Siebold: https://amzn.to/3ZnL8jg
How Rich People Think by Steve Siebold: https://amzn.to/3RKTSfm
Secrets of the World Class by Steve Siebold: https://amzn.to/4k4apY0
Congruent Triangles Introduction, mathisfun.com: https://www.mathsisfun.com/geometry/triangles-congruent.html
Behavioral congruence, American Psychological Association: https://dictionary.apa.org/behavioral-congruence
Everyday Cooking for Everyday People Like Us, by David Giustozzi: https://amzn.to/437OhVQ
Achieve Your Dreams: A Complete Guide to Live Your Best Life by David Giustozzi: https://amzn.to/3IxEFgy