Sometimes We Must Lose to Win

“You either win or learn.”

An off schedule post

This is an off-schedule post. That means something different or interesting is going on that warrants paying attention to. So, my friends, read on to find out more!

The importance of losing

The quote above is often attributed to Nelson Mandela. If you’ve never heard of Nelson Mandela, he was a South African anti-apartheid revolutionary, political leader, and philanthropist, best known for his pivotal role in ending the apartheid system and becoming the first democratically elected black president of South Africa. He spent 27 years in prison for his activism. I first heard the quote after Super Bowl LVII (57), when Jalen Hurts of the Philadelphia Eagles repeated it during an interview after suffering a comeback loss to the Kansas City Chiefs on February 12, 2023. The final score: 38-35 (See Note 1). Perhaps you remember watching this exciting game.

I’ve pondered Mr. Hurt’s comment often since that date, and today I want to stitch a few thoughts together about winning and losing with a hope of brightening your day. Perhaps even giving you a reason to go on if you happen to be having one of “those” days, weeks, or months that you wonder if it is all worth it because you just suffered another loss. Since you have been reading these posts for a while now, you will remember the discussion about digging ourselves out of the losers’ bracket. It can be done! So, if you are motivated to read this post until the end, I trust you will learn a few things along the way, and then I’ll end in a rather dramatic fashion.

On winning

We all like to win. During the 2016 presidential campaign, Donald Trump said, “We’re gonna win so much, you may even get tired of winning. And you’ll say, ‘Please, please. It’s too much winning. We can’t take it anymore, Mr. President, it’s too much.’ (Note 2)

Vince Lombardi (Green Bay Packers, Washington Redskins) once said, “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” It’s commonly thought that this famous sports quote was first uttered by UCLA Bruins football coach Red Sanders sometime in the 1950s. And you know that I’ve mentioned the best course I’ve ever taken, entitled Negotiating Solutions, which focused on finding a solution that is better than a win-win for both parties (Note 3).

I would opine that winning is a wonderful feeling. Assuming, of course, that it comes after losing first. Because winning without losing is really not a victory at all. It’s like dessert without the main course, the pie without the sugar. There is nothing there. And so, my friends, it’s losing that I want to spend the rest of my time discussing with you today. Because, if you don’t already know it, you will lose at some point. Maybe you will lose a lot. However, as I like to say, you’ve never really lost until you stop getting up.

Overcoming loss to win

The sweetness of winning, of victory, often comes after defeat, that is, loss. When I was a kid, I loved sports and frequently watched them. I loved baseball, but I especially enjoyed watching the Olympics. ABC’s Wide World of Sports used to have a lead-in video they showed, and I think it makes the point well. It’s why I often use sports and the military in my analogies, because truly great victories always come after great defeats. If you want to see what great defeat looks like, click on the link in Notes 4 and 5 and watch for yourself. If you’ve ever played sports, you know the thrill of victory. Because you have been reading these posts for a while now, you will remember the discussion about my daughter’s softball team digging out of the losers’ bracket. I know, I was there, I was the coach. It can be done! Don’t believe me? Click on the link in Note 10, watch the video, and learn how the Oklahoma Sooners dug themselves out of the losers’ bracket to win the 2021 Women’s Softball World Series in a tremendous feat of grit and courage.

Although I was only one of millions before me, the pride and sense of accomplishment, yes, victory, from completing military basic training remain with me today, 46 years later. It is that way with many military veterans, at least it is with all the vets I know. If you have never seen an Air Force officer’s graduation parade, a celebration of a lot of hard work and sacrifice, click on the link in Note 6 and tell me if you don’t well up with pride.  Now, to all my USMC brothers in arms, they look pretty good too! (Note 7). And before you go off on me, no, I did not forget the Army, Navy, and Coast Guard, I only have so much room! All this winning is a result of intense physical and mental effort. If you have ever served in the military, you can appreciate the sense of accomplishment and winning that comes with graduation. After, of course, all the losing along the way. 

You do know that every military recruit is a loser, don’t you?  All you must do is show up to screw up, and there is a Drill Instructor, or several, to remind you constantly of how little they think of you, your mother, your father, your entire lineage, and what a sorry piece of …Oh, I apologize, (shutter violently) I got carried away by the memory of all of that. This is a “G” rated post, after all. Don’t take my word for it, check out the two video clips in Notes 8 and 9. Let me know if you think these guys are having a good day or not. Note: what you see in these videos is what is called a “shark attack” and was generally stopped some time ago. However, Defence Secretary Pete Hegsdeth is considering reversing the ban. See Note 12.

What does win/lose look like in business?

Well, that was fun…We’ve discussed what winning is, and we’ve seen that true winning only comes after losing. We’ve also seen a few examples that are near and dear to my heart, including sports and the military. I'd like to share two of the most dramatic examples of winning to lose that I'm aware of, and they come from the business world. When you think of the sheer number of lives that were negatively affected by these events, it’s pretty dramatic indeed. Perhaps you have even experienced something similar.

If any of you remember or have heard of Eastern Airlines, you will recall that in the late 1980s, the International Association of Machinists (the mechanics) went on strike. The pilots and flight attendants subsequently joined them. By 1991, the airline, which had attempted to continue flying throughout the strike, was so crippled that it was forced to cease operations. At that time, Jack Bavis, the head of the Master Executive Council, stated, “Even though Lorenzo (The Eastern Airlines CEO) won, he lost. And even though we lost, we won in the long run, because the airline isn’t going to make it. That doesn’t get our jobs back, but it proves us right. There’s some bitter satisfaction in that.” (Note 11) Over 30,000 jobs were lost. Did anyone really win?

In 2023, a similar situation occurred when Yellow Corporation (formerly Yellow Freight) and the union failed to reach an agreement on several issues, forcing the company into bankruptcy and liquidation and resulting in the loss of almost 30,000 jobs.

These are two cases where one party, the represented workers, “won” with the net effect of everyone losing. 60,000 jobs lost. How many family members and businesses were affected? What’s the actual multiplier effect? All over stubborn people who would not meet in the middle.

Here’s something for you to do in your spare time. Watch UPS over the next few years. In 2023, their 340,000 represented workers won a five-year contract. According to UPS CEO Carol Tome, the average UPS full-time driver will earn around $170,000 in pay and benefits by the end of the contract. Contrast that to the average Amazon driver’s pay of $38,383, which tops out at $49,000, and let me know if you have any questions about this. Amazon employs approximately 390,000 drivers through independent businesses known as Delivery Service Partners (DSPs). Twenty years ago, there were no DSPs, and the only options, generally speaking, for delivering packages were UPS, FedEx, and the USPS. If you had to guess what this landscape will look like in five years, what would that guess be?

How did all of this happen? Interesting that the same union that represents UPS also represents Yellow Corporation. UPS and FedEx are already experiencing financial issues, and the USPS has been for years. Hmmm, could that be because Amazon started its own cargo airline and its own delivery service? Why would they do this? If you were king for a day, what do you think the pay and benefits should be for drivers who deliver packages? If you’ve been to McDonald’s lately, you may have ordered your meal from a kiosk. Remember the 2012 McDonald’s workers’ “fight for $15?” Could these two events be related, worker demands for higher pay and the implementation of automation?  At some point, everyone needs to understand basic economics, and I don’t see these fights for higher and higher pay for moderately skilled workers ending well for either side. I’ve made my prediction for what it looks like in five years.

These are great examples from the corporate world of one party winning and the other losing, resulting in a lose/lose situation. This is the worst possible outcome in any negotiation. Now, I would like to share a personal situation that occurred in the corporate world and use it to make a point that is directly applicable to you. But first, a tangent…

A dinner break

Do you remember me giving an illustration in the past about taking my wife out to dinner? Me, being the considerate, loving husband I am, thought I would do something nice and invite my wife out for dinner. So I said, “Honey, would you like to go out for an Italian dinner tonight?” The expected answer was “Oh, snookum, how thoughtful of you! Yes, of course I would so very much enjoy your company over an Italian dinner tonight!” Is that what I got? Hardly. She pondered the question for a minute and said, “Have you considered Mexican?” Now, as you probably know, there is not a husband alive or dead who has not faced this situation. How to handle it? Well, one way is to dig our heels in and say, no, I really wanted Italian. That will turn out to be a lose/lose situation, guaranteed. Probably a better thing to do is to say, “Honeybunch, I was thinking you may want Mexican, so that’s a great idea!” By being a little flexible, the situation can be a win/win.

Back to our career discussion

OK, so there was a period during my career when I was seeking a promotion. I had been a manager and the next logical step was senior manager. I was in a large organization, so there were periodic opportunities for promotion. I applied for a few positions, but I couldn't even get an interview. Hmm, OK, what now? I sought the advice of one of the Managing Directors I respected.  His advice? “Sometimes you have to go sideways to go up.” What he was telling me is that there were other folks whose skills better matched the openings than mine. That seemed like good advice to me. Soon afterward, I had the opportunity to pursue a lateral move. Did not get it. This time, I did get an interview, but just lost out.

So at this point, anyone, having lost a few opportunities like this, has a decision to make. One decision is to be bitter and pissed off. That’s natural, right? Yes, it’s natural to be upset, but it won’t help us; in fact, it will doom one to never getting promoted. Hold that thought for a moment while I expand it for you.

A bit later, an opportunity came up to again interview for a lateral position. This time, the position was perfectly aligned with my skills and desires for the future. I got the job. It was a great job and I was able to do quite well in it. About three years later, I was again ready for a promotion.

Over about a year, two promotional opportunities came up. I met with the Director, who encouraged me to apply. The first time, I spent about 20 hours preparing for the interview, learning all I could about the department and interviewing people within the organization. I knew the challenges they faced and developed a plan forward. I interviewed for the job but did not get it. A while later, the same thing, but I spent about 40 hours preparing. I just knew I would get this position. Nuthin’.

So over a period of about five years, I was batting about .200 trying to get promoted. If a baseball player is a .200 hitter, that’s not saying much, and he might want to consider another line of work…However, because I am persistent, determined, and have grit, I did not give up. About a year later, the opportunity, the one I really wanted, came up, and I was selected for that position. And that job led to another promotion in three years. Yes!

You see, here is the point. You will lose. We all lose. But it’s how we handle that loss that’s important. If we are bitter and pissed off, then we are done. And we deserve to be. If we don’t know this, then we don’t deserve to be leaders. Instead, we all need to learn from our losses and turn them into opportunities for growth and success. Into a win. Just like Jalen Hurts did. Remember what he said? “You either win or learn.” Two years after uttering those words, he led his team to a Super Bowl Championship. In a very dramatic fashion, no less. Wiser words have never been spoken. Jalen Hurts, indeed, the entire Philadelphia Eagles team and staff, took the Super Bowl loss to Kansas City, learned from it, and came back to win. Don’t you love it?

What does all of this have to do with me?

Here’s the point of all of this discussion. As you go through your life journey, keep the prize in, not just at the back, but also at the front, of your mind. You will, literally, be bombarded daily by minor problems and losses that, in the big scheme of things, don’t amount to a hill of beans in terms of the big picture. Do you remember me mentioning that one of the things my wife likes to ask when faced with a similar situation is, “In five years, will it matter?” This is a pretty good acid test of how to handle someone who makes you mad, cheats you, disrespects you, takes advantage of you, or somehow wrongs you. Someone pulls a knife on you and wants your wallet? Give it to them. When you make a mistake. Let it go, learn from it, and overcome it. Get better tomorrow like Jalen Hurts did. You will be better in the long run for taking the high road.

There’s an old saying, “You have to live to fight another day.” Another one says, You may lose the battle, but don’t lose the war. What these sayings mean is that sometimes you have to take the loss today to win tomorrow. Be smart and learn from it. Never forget what really matters and never stop working toward your ultimate goal. Sometimes you have to learn to win. Sometimes, losing is really part of the path to winning.

A final example

If you are a student of the Bible, you will recall the stories of the Apostle Paul. For his beliefs, Paul suffered greatly (Note 13), but he never took his eye off the prize, eternity in heaven. Writing to the church at Corinth, Paul even penned, “Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:10). Paul knew that he would lose in the short term and that those losses were part of the journey to a win. A big win. Now I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of a better example of losing to win!

That’s all for this week!

Victory!

What’s in it for Me

We all want to be the best we can be, and we can turn our losses into wins. Afterburner Success Partners can help get you on the path to achieving your dreams and living your best life.

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 Notes

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1. Two years later, in the 2025 Super Bowl, the Philadelphia Eagles again played the Kansas City Chiefs in a classic rematch not only between teams, but between quarterbacks. This time, Jalen Hurts prevailed, and the Eagles won 40-22. I’m guessing Mr. Hurts really did take the loss of two years earlier and learn from it. Oh, that we could do the same!

2. Hillsdale College: https://hillsdalecollegian.com/2025/01/dont-tire-of-too-much-winning/

3. The Mattford Group: https://www.negotiatingsolutions.com

4. The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AZH4FeGsc

5. The agony of defeat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsvvhqpKRQ0

6. US Air Force Officer Candidate Graduation Parade: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5r9zidaGF0

7. USMC Parade: https://www.tiktok.com/@us.bootcampmilitary.x/video/7534878474314517815

8. Yelling at military recruit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Lrxt5RU5Kk

9. Yelling at military recruit: https://www.tiktok.com/@_tsyontz/video/7370505399386000683

10. OU Women win 2021 College Softball World Series: https://www.ncaa.com/live-updates/softball/d1/oklahoma-wins-2021-ncaa-softball-womens-college-world-series

11. The Eastern Airlines Stike of 1989: https://reuther.wayne.edu/node/11259

12. Shark attack: https://www.foxnews.com/politics/defense-secretary-hegseth-considers-reversing-army-ban-aggressive-shark-attack-training

13. I don’t have space here to go into it all, but if you want to read of Paul’s sufferings, read 2 Corinthians, chapter 11. In particular, verses 16-33.