Ever Been Teased? Bullied? Discriminated Against? Yeah, Me Too. Succeed Anyway
Being teased, bullied, and discriminated against is an unfortunate fact of life. If you’ve experienced it, what can you do about it? Have the last laugh, overcome it, and succeed anyway. Own your future!
An off schedule post
This is an off-schedule post. That means something different or interesting is going on that warrants paying attention to. So, my friends, read on to find out more!
Introduction
This may be one of the most difficult posts I’ve ever written, and as a result, it’s a long post because there is a lot to say on the subject. Probably because I’ve experienced all the conditions cited above. It’s personal, and I know it’s a continual issue for many people throughout their lives. While it hurt me in the past, and although I still experience subtle forms today, I have chosen not to let others' poor behavior define me. Frankly, it’s made me stronger, more determined, more resilient. If you have experienced any of this, I hope you have been able to overcome it. If not, then maybe after what you learn today, you can find your path forward. I hope that is the case. I’m rooting for you!
Before you leave…
In the summary, you will learn that what appears to be a bad thing can really turn out to be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
I also provide a link to an excellent video I like to show. This video reinforces the point about overcoming difficulty and about those who persecute you. The naysayers. The haters. Use it as motivation toward your own personal victory.
Finally, I’ll recommend an excellent book that will help you overcome concerns about what others think of you and focus on achieving all your life dreams.
Be sure to read to the end.
My story
If you think that a White male could not experience teasing, bullying, and discrimination, then you would be wrong. It can happen to anyone, anytime, and at any age. Yes, even when you are retired. Er, a mature person who does not go to work every day. That’s what I meant, really! I can’t stand the word retired…
I guess the first time I felt a little like an oddball was in first grade. Yes, I can remember that far back; I can even remember kindergarten, but before that, things are kind of blurry because, I guess, there wasn't anything significant to mark those days. I do remember going to the doctor and dentist, and I remember going to the store with my mother one time when she dropped me. Yes, she was carrying me and going down some stairs when she tripped. I don’t guess either of us was hurt much, but imagine the shock, pain, and embarrassment of a young mother dropping her child in public.
What stands out to me about first grade is the first day. It was the beginning of class, and the teacher was calling the roll: Adams…Barnett…Chisolm…Dodge…Evans…Farmer…Then, silence. Goo…Guu, Gah... She could not pronounce my last name. I felt different, odd. I had to help her, and she moved on. But it’s been that way ever since. Until we went to Italy. There, everyone knew exactly how to pronounce it, and I was one of them. I’m proud of my name, but I am glad my mother chose my first name and wouldn't let my father name me what he wanted, a nice Italian boy’s name. Yeah, Giustozzi is difficult enough, and I’ve had to endure it my whole life, so I’m glad to have an easy first name. Many people have various ethnic names that are difficult, and it’s something we deal with. But guess what? Yes, you will get teased due to your name. I’ve heard it all. You probably have too.
Elementary school was uneventful, but when I entered middle school, the teasing and bullying began in earnest. Not all the time, and only from a couple of people, one in particular. I could tell you his name, but that would not do any good. Why was I teased and bullied? It’s a good question, but as I think about it, perhaps it’s because I was a little different. I was pretty much to myself, somewhat of an introvert. I was shy and not confident, especially with the girls. In high school, I did not fit in with any of the established groups, such as athletes (we called them “The Jocks”), what we called “The Freaks” (those that smoked or, you know…Yes, we even had an outdoor smoking area), or the more preppy crowd. I wasn't a top student, so I didn't fit with the high-achieving group. I was just me. Of course, teasing and bullying are common in school; kids can be mean, and for most people, it is something that happens, and they go on with life. It was painful to experience at the time. For the most part, however, it was not harmful to me in the long term, although I know there are cases where real harm can last many years or a lifetime. Sometimes, people need counseling or therapy to overcome the hurt. Bullying can become so bad that people can take their own lives for want of relief (Note: Anytime I speak of issues like this, I like to provide the 988 Lifeline number and website. See Note 5 for the link. Again, the number is 988).
High school was the worst, where teasing became bullying. Not a lot, not all the time, but especially from the one guy I mentioned earlier. Being threatened was an unpleasant, scary experience, of course. Nothing really came of it; I think it just made him feel big for picking on someone who wouldn't fight back. Thought he was a tough guy. There was another one at one time, and after I had had enough, we got into a fight. I won the fight, he stopped bullying me, and I got a shot of confidence from it.
My first experience with discrimination was in 1978. I had been applying for a position at what is now Washington Reagan National Airport, which is part of the federal government. I had made it through all the interviews and testing, and was awaiting final word on when to report to work. I was then notified that I had not received the job, and I learned it was due to a government order requiring more minorities to be hired. You know, I’ve discussed situations like this in my past writings; there was nothing I could do about it, and I just moved on. Looking back, it was an excellent outcome as I used the opportunity to join the Air Force, where my career really took off. Had I received that job, with my limited skills at the time, it would have been pretty much a dead end. They did me a favor, although it did not seem like it at the time.
What really helped me gain confidence and overcome my shyness was joining the Air Force. I’ve spoken often of my admiration for the US military, and it was just what I needed. It was demanding but fair, and I found my niche. I worked hard, went back to school (they mostly paid for it all, up to a master’s degree. Can you say, “No college debt?”), and pretty much overcame the teasing and bullying of my childhood. I’ve found the military to be an equal-opportunity organization, and anyone, so long as they are willing to follow the rules, can succeed. There is almost unlimited potential for upward mobility. From my experience, the military was color blind and a true meritocracy. That means your potential is limited only by your ability to take advantage of the opportunities available to you. If you or a child of yours may need an opportunity, consider the military. I happen to believe each of us should serve our country, and for most people, the military is the best choice. Sure, they have their issues, just like any organization, but they specialize in helping young people discover their potential.
After my almost eight years in the military, I joined corporate America for the remainder of my career. There were, at various times in various organizations, let me say, opportunities for some class of folks that were not available to others. You know what I am saying. I knew this could happen and that you can't fight City Hall, so I adapted and succeeded despite it. Never lost a wink of sleep over it. I’ll say it again later, but to me, this is the best way to overcome things like this. Some folks want to stand up and make a statement, to try to right a wrong, and that, perhaps, is noble, but I happen to believe that, for our own best interests, either work within the system or choose to go somewhere else. It’s just too hard, and the return on investment of fighting the system could damage your career.
How bad is it, you ask?
The statistics of how many people are teased, bullied, and discriminated against are pretty bad. Let me provide you with a few numbers:
About 19% of students aged 12-18 experienced bullying in the past year (Note 1)
Discrimination is a huge problem, and varies widely. For a complete breakdown, click on the link in Note 2, as the complete set of statistics is too big for me to list here
Teasing is something that’s a bit difficult to obtain data on. I happen to believe it’s a problem, but I’m not able to quantify it
So, yes, teasing, bullying, and discrimination are a problem and a big one. Each of us, whether due to our upbringing or environment, has certain biases or other issues that could cause us to tease, bully, or discriminate against others. I think if we are honest with ourselves, we would all agree that none of it is acceptable.
I have something to share, and it may be a man thing. When a group of guys gets together, they can tend to agitate each other. I grew up with it, and it’s been a part of my life. Mostly, it’s good-natured fun, but sometimes, even though it’s portrayed as good-natured fun, it can be hurtful. There have been times when my intent was good-natured agitating, but I accidentally went over the line, and what I said was hurtful, and I immediately knew it and felt sorry about it. That said, if we are going to get ahead in life, we must develop a thick skin and let these things roll off our backs. Does that sound like a contradiction? Yes, it probably is, but as you can tell, there is an undefined line between good-natured ribbing and going too far. Again, it’s best if we can learn not to let it bother us. It may be hard to do…
Why are people teased, bullied, and discriminated against?
Typically, the reasons people are bullied are because they are different from their peers in appearance, weight, race, or religion. They could be vulnerable because they are weak or unable to defend themselves. A bully targets popular or successful peers to gain social standing or out of jealousy. A bully could be insecure, experience emotional problems, or have home issues that cause them to want to feel powerful by exercising power over others. Successful people could be targeted to diminish their success.
Bullying targets could lack a social network, have a different appearance than others, or exhibit social behavior such as being shy or annoying. Bullies are often victims of bullying themselves. They may bully to fit into a social group. Bullies typically have a lack of empathy in that they do not understand or care about the pain they cause.
When it comes to discrimination, there are many reasons. Stereotypes, fear and insecurity, learned behavior, structural or institutional bias, competition for resources, or simple unconscious bias are all reasons people are discriminated against.
There is a saying in the work world that every employer wants to hire a 25-year-old with 20 years of experience who will work for minimum wage. While that may sound funny, I’m here to tell you that one form of discrimination in the work world is age discrimination. Because I volunteer and work with people who have lost their jobs, many of whom are in their late 40s, 50s, or even 60s, employers often do not want to hire them due to their age and/or their perceived salary requirements. Oh, then there is the technology issue. You know what I mean. Frankly, this is shortsighted, as more mature folks bring things to the table that younger, less experienced individuals simply don’t have due to less experience in the work world and life. Yes, being able to use current technology is a major issue that the applicant must simply overcome. Have you ever seen the movie “The Intern”? If so, then you know what I mean. Many of the folks I work with in this program say they must structure their resumes to look like those of 40-year-olds to get an interview. It’s just true, but this kind of discrimination can be overcome by the way one presents oneself. It can, and often is, a win-win situation for both parties.
We are all aware of racial, gender, and ethnic discrimination in the workplace and outside of the workplace. I could go on about it, but for what purpose? I’m not going to change it, and as an individual, you likely are not either. My pitch to you is the same point I’m making throughout this post: Recognize it and overcome it anyway. Let me ask you a question? Do you really want to work for, do business with, or otherwise associate with an organization or individual who discriminates against you? I’m sure the answer is no, so it’s better to get that up front and just move on. As they say, you can’t fight City Hall, so why cause yourself the grief? There are plenty of organizations and people who will accept you just the way you are. You just need to find them, and by finding the ones who do not, you’re eliminating the ones you don’t want to associate with.
Now, there is a big elephant in the room that I’ve not addressed, and that’s the issue of social media. For some reason, some people think that because they are behind a screen and have a keyboard, they can say anything they want with impunity. Immature individuals or those with sensitive feelings are hurt every day by these folks. It’s one of the reasons I stay off social media, and I think we can all agree that a little less screen time for everyone would be beneficial.
Common effects on those who suffer these abuses
The effects of bullying can be profound. While I experienced no long-term adverse effects, others could experience mental health issues in the form of loneliness, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and increased self-criticism. There could be physical health effects, such as unexplained injuries, headaches, stomachaches, insomnia, and higher rates of illness. There could be an academic decline in students. Behavioral issues such as self-isolation, withdrawal, substance use, and, in some cases, violent retaliation. The long-term impact could carry into adulthood and cause relationship struggles, a higher risk of psychiatric disorders, and reduced employment success.
Many of the effects of bullying are found in discrimination in the form of mental and psychological effects, physical health consequences, adverse socioeconomic and economic impact, and negative societal and community impact.
It’s safe to say that there is nothing good about any of these things. Absolutely nothing productive comes of it.
It’s all just wrong
I happen to believe that most people are kind and good, and that they want the best for themselves and others. But I’m not naive enough to think that everyone else does. Regardless, the fact is that if one intends to be hurtful toward another, whether through teasing, bullying, or discrimination, it’s just wrong, and we all know it. If you’ve ever witnessed someone experiencing teasing or bullying or discrimination, if you are like me, it hurts you. I guess the Golden Rule applies: Treat others as you wish to be treated. Yeah, that’s a good rule for us all to follow.
An excellent resource for you
Below, I recommend an amazing book that I think will help if you lack confidence because of teasing, bullying, or discrimination. The name of the book is Approval Addiction: The Silent Killer of Success by Steve Siebold (Note 3). This book will help you become confident and assured in yourself and stop worrying about what others think of you. I wish this book had been available years ago, when it could have really helped me. As it turns out, I learned these lessons on my own, and reading the book has reinforced that I made the right choices for myself.
Summary
I don’t think I’ve ever bullied anyone. As I look in the mirror, I guess I’ve probably teased some folks when I should not have. I’ve probably discriminated against some folks, but I don’t think it’s something I intended to do. One of the benefits of age and experience is that one becomes less competitive and more desirous of harmony, peace, and quiet. You get to the point where you no longer have anything to prove, and you just want to live with others in a manner that is fair to all. Again, I’m not naïve. I wish everyone were like this, but I, like you, live in the real world where we must be aware of these issues and deal with them.
I’d like to offer that we each should do our best to minimize or eliminate any and all instances of teasing, bullying, or discrimination. The world will be a better place. That said, if you are the victim of such behavior, you have a choice in how you handle it. As you know, my counsel is to always rise above it and succeed anyway. In spite of it. For yourself. Make a decision to do it. As you do so, you will inspire others who suffer from the same harmful behavior. You may even find yourself able to help others someday.
There is a parable called “The Bird, The Cow, and The Cat,” and while it may be a bit crude, it can teach us a very valuable lesson. The story goes like this. A bird got a late start on migrating to a warmer climate. As a result, he became so cold that he fell to the ground in a pasture. As he is lying on the ground, close to death, a cow walks overhead and does its business directly on top of him. The cow dung warms the bird, and he is revived, and he starts singing of his good fortune. Sadly, a nearby cat hears the bird and promptly eats him. Here are the lessons we should take away from this story:
Not everyone who poops on you is necessarily your enemy.
Just because someone saves you does not necessarily mean they are your friend.
It’s often best to keep your mouth shut regarding your good fortune.
I mentioned at the beginning of the post that I would provide you with an excellent video to motivate you to write your own success story, despite what others say or do to you. Click on the link in Note 4 to watch this excellent video. Note: It’s a bit crude for my taste, but they use a lot of bleeps in the video, and sometimes, like a drill sergeant in basic training, we just need straight talk to snap us into necessary action. This is one of those cases. So you can prove them wrong.
Whatever you do, do not let other people or your circumstances define you. Choose your own path, believe you can, and overcome any difficulties that are in your way. Win despite your struggles and those who treat you with less than the full respect you deserve.
That’s all for today!
Let’s help our friends and loved ones, shall we?
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Ever Been Bullied? Succeed Anyway!
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What’s in it for Me
The best thing you can do to live your best life is to be in control of it. That means having a realistic plan and executing it. I hope you have not experienced, and do not experience, any of the conditions I described above. In some cases, it may take professional help, but if you desire to overcome any adverse effects of these issues, you are on the road to bettering yourself.
Call to Action
What do you need to do today?
Recommended Resources
Click the links in the notes below and read them. Buy and read Achieve Your Dreams: A Complete Guide to Live Your Best Life by David Giustozzi (Note 6). Take the course, it’s a very inexpensive investment in yourself.
Up Next
Back to regular posting schedule.
Notes
Please note that as an Amazon Affiliate, I may earn a small commission on the sale of any of these recommended resources.
Facts about bullying: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/facts&ved=2ahUKEwi0_crVr9KTAxVjmWoFHd_DAm4QFnoECCYQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3n7vcgsd7PbRmjcfl5_2R7
How Much Discrimination Do Americans Say Groups Face in the U.S., Pew Research Center: https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2025/05/20/how-much-discrimination-do-americans-say-groups-face-in-the-u-s/
Approval Addiction: The Silent Killer of Success by Steve Siebold: https://amzn.to/3ZnL8jg
Prove them wrong: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeiYLF-JaY0
Achieve Your Dreams: A Complete Guide to Live Your Best Life by David Giustozzi: https://amzn.to/3IxEFgy
Everyday Cooking for Everyday People Like Us, by David Giustozzi: https://amzn.to/437OhVQ