Want to Know the Secret to Failure? Simple…Try to Please Everyone
Whoa! “Dave, that’s pretty harsh, don’t you think? Surely you are overreacting! We all want to be liked!” Well, OK, so do I, but…
An off schedule post
This is an off-schedule post. That means something different or interesting is going on that warrants paying attention to. So, my friends, read on to find out more!
Introduction
You may have been taken aback by the title of this post, and I’ll admit, it’s a bit of a difficult subject to broach. On the other hand…Because we, as those striving to achieve our dreams and live our best lives, know we want to gain as much knowledge as we can in our quest to better ourselves. Let’s get into the meat of it, and I’m going to take you down two paths today. As usual, you’ll have final say in the matter and of course you can agree with either, neither or both positions I’ll take.
“So, Dave, why are you writing about this subject?”
As you may know by now, and by the time you read this, I will have written over 170 posts in about 18 months. I’m currently publishing three a week. I publish recipes once a week from my cookbook that contains over 300 recipes in over 400 pages (Click on the link in Note 4 to view or get your own copy!), and I publish two a week relating to setting and achieving goals. Tuesday’s posts are the Afterburner Success Course, in the order I teach it. When I’ve authored the last post for the course, there will be 106 posts. So, yes, that’s almost a tad more than two years to get what you can get in the book (Note 5) or by taking the online course, which is about 12 total hours of study. Plus homework, of course.
On Mondays, I publish posts on other topics I think will inform and educate you, which is why this one is being published.
Most of my material comes from life experiences, books, newspapers, magazines, and online sources I’m reading or have read on the subjects of goals and self-improvement, and this post is no different. My current read is Steve Siebold’s recently published book, Approval Addiction (Note 1). I often reference Mr. Siebold in the course, my book, and my writings, as I have so much respect for him and what he is doing. He is a self-made man, and if you read his books and follow his advice, you will be well served. His other books I recommend are listed in Notes 2 and 3.
But be warned, Steve’s books and advice are hard-hitting, no-excuses, take-no-prisoners advice. He does not do it to be mean, but to wake you up and get you moving. I’m on the same page with most of his views and material (no two people agree on everything). I tried to learn as much as I could from him and implement those ideas, but I don’t think he and I are on the same page regarding faith. I think faith is an important part of who we are and of our desired positive impact on others and the world. Not to mention ourselves. That does not take away from the value of what he has to teach us.
Here’s a statement directly from his book (page 32):
Approval addiction is the number one silent killer of success
So now you know why I was able to make the statement I did in the title of this post. Here’s what I’m going to do today: The rest of the post will be divided into two sections: Why approval from others is not so bad, and Why you should not seek others’ approval. I’ll then summarize it and ask you to ponder what I wrote and see what you can learn from it.
Section 1. Why approval from others is not so bad
Section 1, Part 1. Everything is fine just the way it is
I’ve written that the desire to set goals, create achievement plans, do big things, and see the world is not for everyone. You really do not need me to tell you this, because you already know it. Most of the people you know and will meet are in this camp. They are content to live for today, not worrying about tomorrow, and, come what may, they will carry on. I describe this as the simple life. Frankly, there is nothing at all wrong with the simple life, and at times I’ve yearned for it myself. But to me, it’s exciting to develop plans and see them come to fruition. It’s exciting to meet new people, see new places, and do new, exciting, challenging, and different things. I would not trade that for anything.
Then again…The simple life has a cost (everything has a cost. Everything. You know that, right?). That cost comes with lost opportunities, and things not seen and done. Again, that’s OK for those who desire that, but here’s my take. If a person chooses this life, I just want to ensure they can afford it by taking care of themselves and their family without outside assistance. No help from their family, no government assistance. And then, the part many fail to consider, is what happens if something big and bad happens? Can they afford to deal with it? And what about retirement? Can they fund their retirement to maintain their current lifestyle, or accept they cannot and still be independent? It matters not; just don’t be surprised on retirement day. And, oh, thinking one can retire, or not retire, on their own schedule may not be possible due to health or issues with their employer. That’s why it pays to consider these things in advance. So you are not unpleasantly surprised.
So if someone chooses the simple life, I say God bless them, and I’m happy for them. So long as they can pay their way and are not a burden on society or others for their entire life. Yes, their entire life.
If you are of a certain age, you may have heard of a musical band called Lynyrd Skynyrd. They were a Southern rock band that was very popular in the mid to late 1970s, and they were my favorite band at that time in my life. I saw them live at the Capital Center in Maryland in 1977. What a show! When they played Free Bird, it about brought down the house! Lynyrd Skynyrd wrote a song titled "Simple Man" about the simple life. Click on the link in Note 4 to listen to it. Pay particular attention to the words as they advocate the simple life. Here are the lyrics:
Mama told me when I was young
"Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this, it'll help you some sunny day, ah, yeah
Oh, take your time, don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass
You'll find a woman, yeah, and you'll find love
And don't forget, son, there is someone up above
And be a simple kind of man
Oh, be something you love and understand
Baby, be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can?
Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this, oh, baby, if you try
All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied
And be a simple kind of man
Oh, be something you love and understand
Baby, be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can?"
Oh, yes, I will
Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this, oh, baby, if you try
All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied
And be a simple kind of man
Oh, be something you love and understand
Baby, be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can?
Baby, be a simple, be a simple man
Oh, be something you love and understand
Baby, be a simple kind of man
Yes, being a simple man is not so bad.
Section 1, Part 1.5
I just told you I was going to divide this post into two sections, but actually, that’s not quite true. I really need to divide it into two and a half (with further sub-groups) because there is a group of people, a large group, actually, that fit neither group. These folks should probably be in their own group. This is a group of people who don’t desire the simple life and who want more than they have. Let’s look at these two subgroups I’ve labeled Group 1 and Group 2.
Section 1, Part 1.5, Group 1. I want more from life, but don’t know what to do, and just do nothing
These are the folks I really feel for. They typically accept the status quo but are often angry or envious of others who advance in their professional and personal lives, or feel that the world is out to get them or hold them back. They may blame others, “the system,” or any number of reasons. Or they just honestly believe they cannot do better. They don’t know they can do more. Frankly, they are just ignorant of the possibilities just waiting for them, and don’t know how or who to ask for guidance. It’s this subgroup of people that I feel bad for because they don’t know what they don’t know, a concept I’ve written about in the past. The world is waiting for them to act, but they are stuck in time.
Section 1, Part 1.5, Group 2. I want more from life. I won’t make the effort to do anything about it
I feel worse about this group than the previous one because they likely know they can do better, but won’t. Notice I did not say can’t. Can’t is not a word I use. Can’t often means I don’t want to make the effort (save a few obvious physical or mental challenges). Remember a previous post about homeostasis, the tendency to remain the same and not change? Reasons for not changing may be physical, mental, or, often, just laziness. Some of these folks may need professional help, but unless they look in the mirror and state, “I’m not happy with the status quo, and I want to change and will do what I need to,” and then stick with it, they likely will join the first group in being angry, stuck, and without hope of getting or doing more than they have. You may hear them talk about how “The Man” is sticking it to them. They are a victim.
The people in Section 1, Part 1.5 are the ones I developed Afterburner Success Partners for, wrote my book for, and write these, sometimes long, weekly blog posts for (Of course, I like it when others read the posts for simple enjoyment, too!)
Section 2. Why you should not seek approval from others
I’m going to be honest with you. I could break down all the reasons why you should set your path and move forward without delay or interruption, but if you’ve been reading my writings, my book, or taken the course, you already know what to do in broad terms. That said, we all need reinforcement occasionally, and my recommendation today is to read all of Steve Seibold’s books in the order they were published. Again, I’ve listed three in the notes at the end of this post.
His latest book, Approval Addiction, which I am highlighting here, is truly amazing. It’s written in staccato fashion, almost without paragraphs, and I’m almost unsure how he is able to present so much information. I can’t do it justice, but I can point out a few highlights from the introduction:
Approval addiction is the enemy of greatness
Overcoming approval addiction is not easy. and…
Overcoming approval addiction will not be easy
Happily, even small shifts in our thinking can change the game
You probably have all it takes to make the change, you just don’t know it
Have you bought this book yet? Go get it! Click the link in Note 1!
Summary
If you are content just as you are and desire nothing else in life, congratulations! Perhaps this is what life is about, and I hope you can continue that way as long as you live.
If you want something different but don’t know what to do, I can help you. If you know what you need to do but won’t do it, I can probably help you, assuming you are willing to change your attitude and overcome homeostasis.
If you’ve figured out what you want to do and are doing currently, and your future planning says you are on track, then congratulations as well! If you know someone in Part 1.5, please do them a favor and send them my way so we can get them on track. They will thank you.
Before we sign off for this week, let’s just repeat the obvious, because we want to be crystal clear. Those who are content and enjoy the simple life have to deal with the associated costs. Then, the “I want more” life has a cost as well. And, of course, the fact is that success comes with a cost. Yes, everything has a cost, and I want you to understand those costs and be comfortable with them. Indeed, I want you to thrive!
That’s all for today!
Want to Know the Secret to Failure?
Afterburner Success Partners
What’s in it for Me
We must always be aware of our knowledge related to what we want to do and ensure what we think we know is true. Then, we must act in a determined manner. Doing so will ensure we get what we want, and that’s what’s in it for me.
Call to Action
Honestly consider if you need to make some changes. Or, perhaps you must want to learn a few things. Purchase any of the books noted below. Take the Afterburner Success Partners course. Tell a friend.
Recommended Resources
Buy and read any of the books mentioned in the notes below.
Up Next
Back to regular posting schedule.
Notes
Please note that as an Amazon Affiliate, I may earn a small commission on the sale of any of these recommended resources.
Approval Addiction by Steve Siebold: https://amzn.to/3ZnL8jg
How Rich People Think by Steve Siebold: https://amzn.to/3RKTSfm
Secrets of the World Class by Steve Siebold: https://amzn.to/4k4apY0
Everyday Cooking for Everyday People Like Us, by David Giustozzi: https://amzn.to/437OhVQ
Achieve Your Dreams: A Complete Guide to Live Your Best Life by David Giustozzi: https://amzn.to/3IxEFgy